Reflection
approached it
never owned one
like that
before
that big
looked in it
didn’t see herself
saw a basket of flaws
forced herself to keep looking
sure it could be done
read it on the internet
assessed what she saw
from head to toe
neutral judge
the way others
would see her
as instructed
try to be mild
the top of her head
Hair. Ginger. Frizzy.
Unruly ball of fuzz
No. Stop. Again.
A deep, bright red
Now, the face.
Round puffy fat.
Wrong.
Round, but intelligent.
And cheerful.
Down. Neck.
a long neck.
Mother had often said
it saved her
from the double chin.
Stopped saying that.
She didn’t mind it
so much
Down. Once
collarbones had poked
through her skin
Not anymore.
only gratitude
Shoulders and upper arms.
Shapely curvy womanly.
Boobs.
Heavy bags to be restrained
by torture devices.
But the internet had also said
a bra that fits
exists.
Down. Belly.
this part had stayed
flat and acceptable
the longest.
smiled at her belly
Someone lived there
now.
A girl
the doctor said
couldn’t shouldn’t hate herself
in front of a daughter
It stops here
Hips. Turning slightly
examined the slope
of her back and ass.
He grabbed
the hips and ass,
the man who would be
father.
why that ever scared her?
Thunder thighs
can carry any load
Calves, feet.
The feet sometimes
complained.
It might be better
for them to not
carry so much.
could feel the darkness
behind that thought.
A darkness she would not
pass on.
Paula Breuning
Inspiration from Sanne Thijs