FEL Poem: Reflection

Reflection

approached it

never owned one

like that

before

that big

looked in it

didn’t see herself

saw a basket of flaws

forced herself to keep looking

sure it could be done

read it on the internet

assessed what she saw

from head to toe

neutral judge

the way others

would see her

as instructed

try to be mild

the top of her head

Hair. Ginger. Frizzy.

Unruly ball of fuzz

No. Stop. Again.

A deep, bright red

Now, the face.

Round puffy fat.

Wrong.

Round, but intelligent.

And cheerful.

Down. Neck.

a long neck.

Mother had often said

it saved her

from the double chin.

Stopped saying that.

She didn’t mind it

so much

Down. Once

collarbones had poked

through her skin

Not anymore.

only gratitude

Shoulders and upper arms.

Shapely curvy womanly.

Boobs.

Heavy bags to be restrained

by torture devices.

But the internet had also said

a bra that fits

exists.

Down. Belly.

this part had stayed

flat and acceptable

the longest.

smiled at her belly

Someone lived there

now.

A girl

the doctor said

couldn’t shouldn’t hate herself

in front of a daughter

It stops here

Hips. Turning slightly

examined the slope

of her back and ass.

He grabbed

the hips and ass,

the man who would be

father.

why that ever scared her?

Thunder thighs

can carry any load

Calves, feet.

The feet sometimes

complained.

It might be better

for them to not

carry so much.

could feel the darkness

behind that thought.

A darkness she would not

pass on.  

Paula Breuning

Inspiration from Sanne Thijs